The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
