Only a mothe r could love this liver
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
