I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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