His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
