Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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