omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
