i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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