Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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