literally had 100 drinks last night.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
