things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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