great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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