I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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