That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
