Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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