apparently the secret to your success is patron
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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