I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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