Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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