maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You ruined the universe
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
