I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
