remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
