So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
