fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
