My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize