I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
