oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
