Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
