3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
