wrigley field is MILF paradise
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
