i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
