Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
