I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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