its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
whose parrot is this?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
