The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
