I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
