I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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