We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
