I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
