She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
