My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
