i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
