I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
