I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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