so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
