oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
