Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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