She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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