Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
