I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
