the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
