I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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