i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
