dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
