May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
