Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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