Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
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