it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
