You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
