God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
