you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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