did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
