He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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