So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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