is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
