I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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