To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
