She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
