I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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