is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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