I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
