My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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