Your dad touched me again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
