wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
