Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
