It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
