I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
