The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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