It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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