Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
