I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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