At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
