Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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