I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
