It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize