I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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