RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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