I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
