Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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